sex and the single somnambulist

Boo, you whore

2008-09-04T14:10:00.001-04:00

Dear Sara Palin,

Stop trying to make 'Hockey Moms' happen! It's not going to happen!

thnx

I wish I invented Spaghetti cat

2008-09-03T20:32:00.003-04:00

There was a time in my life were I created beautiful ideas. From then on I thought I was on the cutting edge. Life would be easy; I don't need a real job when I can create hilarious things. But it turns out powdered beer is about as useful as the semi-colon. (which is out of fashion apparently??)

Then I realized! The internet is the place. Blog about enough of your stupid thoughts and one day it'll catch on. So SHOOP DA WHOOOP people. SHOOP DA 'fuckin' WHOOP! Everything I say now will be a potential phenomenon. If it's not worth wasting time during your office job, then I'm not writing it. Fuck Grammar. Fuck the boundaries of what is reasonably funny. I'm preying on the bored and desperate.

Oh, and in case you were wondering:

xoxo
yur mom

Samus

2007-11-25T13:01:00.000-05:00

so...this is pretty hot. video game pictorial fanfic is like my only interest anymore.

herpes zoster

2007-11-17T21:56:00.000-05:00

I have shingles. I am a pusy mess. I need Valtrex...for the shingles. I need to work to afford the Valtrex. Work makes me stressed. Stress causes shingles.

also, i'm applying to graduate school.

shits and giggles

2007-10-26T13:59:00.000-04:00

This is where I work. I stand in front of a wall of cookies. organic cookies. and I look pretty. that's all. it's hell of sweet.

2007-10-17T23:53:00.000-04:00

Ideas for Halloween costumes:

1. Slutty Jesus
2. Chris Carrabba
3. Sherlock Holmes
4. Japanese Greaser
5. Lawn Jockey
6. The Knife

I Love a Gimmick

2007-10-10T19:03:00.000-04:00

Who would have thought that Lil' Mama would have another song after 'Lip Gloss.' Especially another good/catchy song. So I'm in love with 'G-Slide/Tour Bus' and already working on a sweet dance to break out at the first opportunity. D-load it!

Lil Mama--G-Slide/Tour Bus (MP3)

I'm making a couple new mixes including a follow up to "My Dick Hurts" & "My Dick is Crunk." So since I don't live far away from those familiar with this series of mixes; I'm just going to post the whole mix here. I'm sure your minds will be blown harder than a High School quarter-back after the big homecoming game.

What do you want from me?

2007-10-09T21:32:00.000-04:00

I can never post anything because I'm a perfectionist.

LOLz

2007-10-03T01:59:00.000-04:00

dis iz howz i feelz right now.

bitch i'm trill

2007-07-24T15:54:00.000-04:00

Really, being arrested is not as bad as it might seem. I just shouldn't get drunk and pass out on the 6 train anymore. or any other train. In actuality all it cost me was $50 to increase my 'real ass bitch' points by ten fold. Pretty soon I'll be up there with Trina and Bette Midler in "First Wives' Club."

I should be worried that after next week I'll be unemployed and homeless, but no, for once I'm not worried about little details like housing and money. I'm looking forward to bumming around a large city and annoying everyone I know by showing up at their door and eating their food. One day (after I marry rich) I'll make it up to all the little people who helped me out along the way.

Joke of the day:

Me: Knock! Knock!
You: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
You: I eat mop who?
Me: [laughing]